This morning, I paid a visit to my old life.

I was on a cruel 7-hour flight from Singapore to Melbourne on which I couldn’t sleep, only closing my eyes but my thoughts have been running everywhere. In the end I watched movies and ate dinner and ate breakfast and soon enough, I saw the familiar sight of Melbourne city.

I took a deep breath, and smiled widely when a thin white fog came out from my mouth.

Hellow, old life.

To be honest, this trip was coupled with the least excitement compared to all my previous trips to Melbourne. A lot has happened, and somehow, I didn’t know what to expect when I see my beloved home for three years. Of course, I am totally ecstatic upon the thought of seeing my friends. I have missed them so much. So, so much.

I got a cab home and entered my room. Right then and there, I almost felt like crying.

The smell of the elevator. The smell of the kitchen. The smell of my room. The familiar sight of slight untidiness. My books. My photos with friends and families posted on the refrigerator door.

Oh, how I’ve missed my old life.

I had minimal sleep but somehow, I was drawn to open my old journal and re-read what my 20-year-old self had written last year. I was a little bit shocked to find all these writings, because truthfully, I had forgotten all my plans I’ve written.

Towards the end of 2012, I graduated from my Bachelor of Arts and decided to go back to Jakarta, Indonesia for good. One of the reasons was because I couldn’t stay – I was not eligible to apply for a visa after my studies, and another reason was because I wanted to challenge myself and move out from my comfort zone.

Hence before the holiday season I secured myself an internship spot at a well-known publishing company in Jakarta for three months.

So the plan for 2013 that I wrote last year went like this: Do the three-month internship. Write a book. Go to mission trips. Join a badminton club. Learn Chinese language in China for one term/semester. Secure a real job by the end of the year OR take back that student profession and do Master of Journalism.

And well, so far, none of these plans actually happened.

The three-month internship turned out to be a three-day internship. I secured a job as a Content Writer/Marketing Communication Executive at a well-known Indonesian NGO and I’ve worked there for six months now. I have completely put out Master of Journalism out of the picture and have been seeding my mind to take MBA instead. And after I go back from this holiday, I’ll be working at another place whose job I didn’t apply for, but got offered to me through LinkedIn.

On that journal, I further wrote the possible (and probable) careers I wanted to have, including jobs in journalism, media relation, F&B services, and psychology. Somehow, through a series of events, I am currently immersing myself in the Marketing Communication department, and I wouldn’t have traded my lessons learned with anything else.

I didn’t get back in shape (I gained more weight than ever, to be honest), I didn’t go to China to study the language, and I didn’t go back to Master’s (as I have promised my parents) this year. I took an editorial position instead. Building a new life in Jakarta. Trying to fit in once more.

Last year, I planned that 2013 would be some sort of a gap year on which I could discover myself. None of these plans actually happened, but my two cents say that what actually happened was meant to be. Yes, there were some wrong turns and pressure and fear and mistakes and questionings along the way. But in life, you don’t need to have everything figured out.

Sometimes, you just need to take one more step to the future.

And have a little faith.

have a little faith