Marcella Purnama—Home, relationship, and lifestyle blog

Sep 01

Some years ago I did something I truly regretted: I upgraded my 2009 MacBook White operating system. I was not an upgrader. In fact, every time a new upgrade system was available, I would always dismiss the notification, because I know it would eventually lead to the slow death of my faithful laptop.

That day, though, I decided to give it a try. And yes, my Mac slowed down immediately. I tried to resurrect it by replacing the RAM, but eventually I have to face the truth: my Mac is never going to be as fast as before.

Thing is, you need to be careful with upgrading, and this lesson is transferrable to life.

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Aug 26

I see myself as a writer, and occasionally I tell others that I am a writer. Or, more precisely, I tell others that I write. I mean, telling others that I write shows I can produce good writing or bad writing. Telling others I’m a writer means that I should have written well, which I probably have not.

Anyway, considering myself a writer, I decided to go to the Melbourne Writers Festival. Last Sunday, I dragged my faithful boyfriend (because Sunday is our date day), and we sat down on one of the seminars titled, ‘The World According to Short Stories’.

One of the speakers, short-story author Paddy O’Reilly, said this:

How we read people tells so much about us than how we behave.

Yes, it does.

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Aug 20

The sink was full of three-day worth of dishes. I had just finished drinking my coffee, so I did the sensible thing: First, rinse the cup slightly. Second, stack it on top of other plates. Third, avoid looking at the sink for the foreseeable future.

Dishes: out of sight, out of mind.

I went back to sit on my sofa, put my laptop on my lap, and hit refresh. Refresh. Refresh. No email came. Again, refresh. I was waiting for a reply from my supervisor regarding my thesis focus, and I couldn’t do anything useful if he didn’t approve the topic. So refresh. Refresh.

After staring blankly at my laptop for ten minutes, I closed it. I went back to the kitchen to make a cup of green tea, and saw the dirty dishes. Ah, might as well clean them. At least, it would take my mind off other things.

Thesis: out of sight, out of mind.

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Aug 17

Every success article begins with the success, then the fact that their beginning is a rather humble one.

That it needs a lot of hard work.

But you know, the only hard work we’ve seen from their success is the one written in an interview at an article somewhere. ‘I’ve worked hard on it,’ the successful people say, which, doesn’t really show how hard they’ve worked.

Do they work on it for sixteen hours every day for twelve years? Do they go broke in the effort of pursuing their dreams? Do their nightmares involve failing, wondering if their art will ever going to take off?

Here’s the thing: deep down, we don’t want to do hard work – we all want to be the cool girls. Let me explain.

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Aug 13

Have you ever thought why you experience guilt, regret or shame?

I haven’t. But some weeks ago, a speaker at my church, who is also a writer, talked about why we, as humans, are haunted by the person we are. He said, ‘You experience guilt, shame or regret because you can imagine the person you can become.

‘As humans, we can re-imagine ourselves. We can imagine different lives, worlds and realities.’

Which means when you feel regret, you can always imagine yourself handling things better than you did. When you feel ashamed, you can always imagine yourself doing things differently.

This. Strikes. Home.

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Aug 11

Despite my physical appearance and my heritage, I don’t speak Chinese. My great-grandparents traveled from China to Indonesia by boat when they were expecting my grandmother (from my Dad’s side), so I’m either the fourth or third generation Chinese Indonesian.

In Melbourne, Chinese people come to me saying things in Chinese. This will be followed by a somewhat ashamed smile and a shake of my head.

‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I don’t speak Chinese.’

They will then act surprised and withdrew quickly, leaving me standing with my head down, occasionally thinking, ‘Why didn’t I pay more attention to learning Chinese when I was young?’

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Aug 06

I’m at that stage of life when I realise that I’m actually not that special. I’m just a regular post-graduate student – a lot have come before me and a lot will be coming after me.

I haven’t done anything monumental. I wake up at 9am and have my coffee, then proceed to either work on my thesis or work on something else. I cook food twice a week that will last me through the weekdays, and on the weekends I go on normal dates with my boyfriend.

So here’s the question: What now?

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Aug 03

Last month, I found myself going to Seven Seeds cafe for the second time that week.

My first visit was to buy coffee beans. And during that time, my eyes saw something else that I couldn’t quite get out of my head for the next day.

It was a barista apron.

I had just bought my first ever manual coffee machine using my own sweat. So when I laid my eyes on that expensive denim-bib-with-tan-coloured-faux-leather-straps-apron, I knew I was in love. I wanted one. I had to get one.

So the next day, I grabbed one of the aprons and proceeded to the cashier. The waitress made small talk. ‘This is a cool apron, who is it for?’

Instinctively, without even skipping a beat, I said, ‘It’s for my boyfriend.’

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Jul 29

My whole life I’ve always thought that I’m bold and courageous – the type of person who cares nothing about what others think of me.

Okay, probably it’s just my whole high school life.

I’ve always seen myself as that girl – the one who swims against the current, goes against the crowd. I grew up with two genius sisters: my first sister has a PhD in BioScience and my second sister is a medical doctor. I chose Arts.

If that’s not going against the current, I’m not sure what that is.

Fast-forward six years, and that same girl scored 96 per cent on agreeableness.

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Jul 27

At one point in our lives, we would be watching too many movies and reading too many books and knowing too many life lessons. Remember all those cliches like ‘When you know, you know,’ or ‘Just be yourself,’ or ‘This too shall pass,’ or ‘Time is money,’ and more?

Yes, they are called cliches for a reason – the statements are true for most people, and they have stood the test of time.

So we begin to follow them. We know that we just need to be ourselves and the right job will come. (One day). We know that life sometimes throws us lemons and we can choose to weep or make a lemonade out of it. (Or really, I prefer to make lemon pound cake.)

But.

There’s a big but. And that but is: now that I’m older, I believe that not all those cliches, or classic life lessons, are good.

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Be careful with upgrading

How do you read people these days?

Out of sight, out of mind

The myth of effortless gift

Haunted by the person you are

Tian chang di jiu

Not used to being mediocre

Impressing the people that don’t matter

The bold, the courageous and the agreeable

Not all classic life lessons are good