Our taste changes over time. And it doesn’t just happen with chocolate and coffee, but our choices of clothes and food. Example: I used to love prawns. Now, I don’t. I used to be a tomboy, now, well, I get slightly more feminine.
And sitting at that intensive seminar proved another point: what, and how we think, changes over time.
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Love should not be effortless.
You know, everyone’s been saying that when you finally meet the one who you’re truly meant to be with, falling in love would be easy, blah blah blah – that the time’s just right and the place’s just right and the who’s just right as well.
Nah.
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The one who loves you will tell you he loves you. He will also give you the best part of the chicken, take the day off to pick you up from the airport two-hour drive away, and massage your feet when they are swollen.
The one who loves you will tell you that you’re more than just a friend. He will also wait for you, look for you every day, and not flirt with other girls.
The one who loves you will promise to always be with you and take care of you. He will also order your favourite dishes, let you pick the movie to watch, and make time for you, no matter how busy he is.
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How often do you say, ‘I wish you all the best’? Probably all the time. But how many times of those wishes are underlaid with such profound sincerity? If we’re honest, probably none.
Being in my early twenties, I realise that some of my peers have succeeded, or currently on their paths to success. They have opened business, lived their dreams and gained wealth and fame. Reunions are filled with good news on their new and awesome career paths and good-catch relationships, and while I feel happy for them, yes, I do feel jealous.
And I do wish them all the best. But I wonder how sincere I am in wishing them well.
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Really, I don’t.
I’ve watched a lot of movies and read a lot of books and they all give the same message: there’s The One waiting for you. There’s someone out there who’s perfect for you, and when you meet him or her, you’ll just know.
I don’t believe in that.
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Growing up in Jakarta as a part of the minority, I wasn’t really taught to be nice to strangers. When someone asks for help, ignore them – most probably they are wanting to get your money or to kidnap you. When someone asks you a question on the street, pretend you don’t hear them – you might get hypnotized.
No, I’m not joking. And it’s not a fear without reasons too. One of my parents’ friend’s child was hypnotized and almost got kidnapped – true story. Luckily she was found by someone who knew her before the kidnapper could do the action.
The first thing my Mom always tells me when I go back to Melbourne is, ‘Remember, don’t go out for coffee alone too often. Don’t speak to strangers.’
I can’t and don’t blame her. We live in Jakarta: the perfect place to grow up with a lot of prejudice, just because.
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When people know that I blog, they usually ask about the topics I write about. I usually just say, ‘Ah, you know, bits and pieces. Here and there. Life, relationship, studies, anything in between.’
Then they’ll go to my blog and read some of my posts. The next time we meet, they’ll ask, ‘I don’t know how you are able to share private details about your life on the internet. I won’t be able to do that.’
Funnily, I’m already used to this comment by now. But it just gets me thinking: do I really share stuff that are that private on the internet? Should I cut back on the stories of my life?
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I’m 23, halfway through my Master’s degree and I just can’t sit still.
Every time I do nothing, I feel like wasting time. Every time I do useless things, I feel a little bit deflated.
Why? Because it seems like I should be using the time to build my career instead. I should be using the time to get more skills, do more work, get more things done, write a business plan or think about ways to make more money.
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Confronting people is not something that I’m good at. In fact, every opportunity I have I always try to not get into a debate or argument. You know, make peace, not war. I’d say that I’m a fairly agreeable person, although that has not always been the case.
Looking back, I thought I’m always the type of person who say what I mean and mean what I say. Throughout high school, I thought I had that reputation of not succumbing to care of what others thought about what I did. Sure, I’d offend people along the way, but I didn’t really care. Well, probably I’ve changed.
As I mentioned in the last post, I think I’m a nice person, especially in work and university setting. I think it’s just common courtesy to extend patience towards others, but this semester has tested me more ways and times than I could imagine.
So. About confronting people.
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My Dad always said this to me: Let your yes be yes and your no be no. He lives by these words too – never once he takes back what he has said nor does not deliver on his promises.
It just hits me that this is probably one of the greatest wisdom of all times.
I have not had a good semester, and I’ll tell you all about it in the next couple of posts. And as I was laying on bed at 2 am, I kept on thinking about my Dad’s words.
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