I wish you all the best but not better than me

How often do you say, ‘I wish you all the best’? Probably all the time. But how many of those wishes are said with such profound sincerity? If we’re honest, probably none.

Being in my early twenties, I realise that some of my peers have succeeded, or currently on their paths to success. They have opened business, lived their dreams and gained wealth and fame. Reunions are filled with good news on their new and awesome career paths and good-catch relationships, and while I feel happy for them, yes, I do feel jealous.

And I do wish them all the best. But I wonder how sincere I am in wishing them well.

When someone has their birthday, often I say, ‘All the best for the coming year,’ or ‘Wishing you the very best in your future endeavours.’ If I’m honest, I think what I mean is I wish you all the best-but-not-better-than-me.

Which means: by all means, succeed. But don’t outsucceed me.

I know, their success is not my failure. But most of the times I find myself wanting to be the one who’s on top, and let the others live the good-lives-but-still-not-better-than-mine.

Is it only me? Or do you feel the same way too?

I feel like I need the constant reassurance that my life is good, that my life is still better, that my achievements are still one level more than others.

Like, it’s not enough for my life to be good; I need it to be better than others too.

This is toxic. Really. I feel bad for just thinking about this, but most often, I do. I’m only human, but this has to stop. I want to be able to hear good news from my friends and really celebrate with them. I want to be the person who can see you in the eyes and tell you that I really, really wish you all the best in life.

But first, I have to throw away the mentality that the neighbour’s grass is greener. At the end of the day, your own backyard is what matters.


Photo by Kristian Niemi, Creative Commons