“I just want to be friends,” I once said to that poor guy in high school. Okay, I lied. Maybe not once. And maybe not twice.
But what should I say? “I’m not yet ready for a relationship,” or “I’m sorry but I have no interest in being romantically involved with you, and by the way, it’s you, not me?”
One of the best ways (or worst, depending on how you see it) of being a girl is that you will have minimum rejections. At least, in my community, the norms are still the guys who will make the first moves, the guys who will do the courting, the guys who will ask the question, and uhm, yes, the guys who will get rejected (or accepted).
Sometimes, I think it sucks to be guys.
Because I have less pain of rejection (and more about being dumped), I asked some male friends about their experiences in getting rejected. One conversation went like this:
Me: “So… Have you ever been rejected before?”
Friend: “Uhm, yes, once.”
Me: “Is it stressful?”
Friend: “Super stressful. It’s like the world becomes… dark. She used to be the whole world, and suddenly the picture of her and I being together disappears.”
Friend: “Especially when you know that the reason of you being rejected is because she likes another guy. It’s the worst.”
I have always thought that when asking a girl to be his girlfriend, guys would have known 90 per cent whether or not they would get rejected or accepted. Like there’s this ‘gut feeling’ of whether the attraction is reciprocal or not. And the guys say it’s true. But…
“Hope,” my friend said. “Unless we know for sure from her, we would still hope for a potential future where we can be together.”
And even when the chance is small, and you know that you’ll get rejected, would you ask her anyway?
“It’s better to be black or white rather than be gray,” he said.
Well, that explains my previous heart-broken article. You know, if their hearts are going to break, at least they should have the decency of hearing it from the girls they think about day and night.
And oh, the pain.
When I got my heart broken, I yelled the song Never Again by Kelly Clarkson. And The Day You Went Away by M2M. And Shannon Noll’s Lonely. Miley Cyrus’ Goodbye. Taylor Swift’s White Horse. Rascal Flatts’ These Days.
It’s tricky, isn’t it? This whole messy relationship thingy. But when it works out, imagine the happiness.
Back on being rejected.
“Sometimes girls send the wrong signals,” said another friend.
“It gives a false hope that would not be clarified until you ask, and only after you asked them that you wished you didn’t.”
Well, I admit that girls could be real jerks sometimes. I was one of them.
I remember one occasion during my senior high. It was a Christmas celebration. A male friend wanted to sing a song and asked the girl of his dreams to be his girlfriend. In public. He asked me if whether I would like to play the piano.
“Sure, I’d love to help,” I said, while knowing that the answer from the girl would 99.9 per cent be no. But seeing his spirit, his hope, and his readiness of being rejected in public softened my heart. I couldn’t possibly say no.
We did the performance. I played the piano. He sang the song. It was Jay Chou’s Pu Gong Ying de Yue Ding, a song about two schoolmates, on which the guy is left wondering if whether what they have is only friendship, or love. Ironic, isn’t it?
He was then on his knees, a red rose in his right hand, a white rose in his left. If she would accept him, choose the red. If she just wanted them to be friends, choose the white.
He did not move from his position for ten minutes. He trembled heavily. I believe it was the longest ten minutes of his life.
The girl insisted to not want to answer the question in public. He relented, and with a cheer from the 200 something crowd, they went down the stage.
We all know what the answer was, I guess.
I salute the boys. They have the stomach to make the first moves, and the guts to finally ask the girls out. And they have to face the possibility of being rejected.
I have always respected those who know that they would get rejected, but tell their feelings to the girls anyway. It tells huge about the guy, you know?
Of course, hearts would get broken. But I believe they are one step closer to finding the right one.
Have you ever been rejected by someone? Have you ever rejected someone? Share your stories in the comment section below.