Today, I am feeling blue. As I wrote before, I have this ‘you’re not anything useful today? Well, you’re wasting time’ issue. It’s always been like that. I had a copyediting test earlier today and other than that, I was just a brain-fried being who wanted to take some time off to relax but felt too guilty to do so.
Yes, I tried to re-watch the entire season 7 of How I Met Your Mother. Yes, I ironed my laundry, cooked dinner (at 5 p.m.) and washed the dishes. (And yes, if you want me to do housechores, make me feel guilty of wasting time.) But I feel empty. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished something. There are 24 hours in a day and that means I have to come up with 16-hour worth of result. And today, I feel like I’ve only come up with one-hour-and-a-half worth of doing, which is my copyediting test.
And I’ve run out of housechores to do. (Although I can actually vacuum the apartment, only I am too lazy to do so.)
I should read a good book. But which book will be the lucky one? Then I feel the pressure of really choosing the right book, which makes me not wanting to pick up one. It’s complicated.
Then, there’s an urge to write something that’s really useful to people. This is not a blog post; this is a rant. (And for that, I’m sorry, dear readers, but it’s good to know that I’m human just like you, right? Right?) Then there’s this whole thing of thinking about the future and how to buy your own house. (Blame my copyediting test, it’s about ‘Home-ownership is beyond reach for young people’.) Then there’s this and there’s that.
Why can’t I be completely happy with doing nothing?
Really, Jon Acuff sums it perfectly when he says:
It will be a great day when you accomplish nothing and still believe you’re worth something.
It’s 6 p.m now. I have decided to accomplish nothing for the rest of the night – I’ll read a book, watch a movie, and drink a glass or two. And I refuse to be defined by my non-accomplishments.
Photo by Gerald Ferreira