lying in bed, haven't done anything

Have you ever felt like you haven’t done anything? That’s vague, but what I mean is this: have you ever felt like you haven’t done anything at all and it’s 11.30 at night, and you’re having a glass of Dom on the rock (because that’s what I’m having now) and you feel like you have wasted a completely good day?

Well, I have.

I have this compulsion of doing something everyday. I need to tick the boxes – to cross one more point off that to-do list and then, and only then, can I pat myself on the back and get my beauty sleep.

Yes, I feel miserable if I don’t accomplish anything.

Tonight, I feel that familiar sense of failure. I woke up thinking that I would finish the planning and researching parts of my 2000-word essay and then do one of those practice copyediting tests. Nada. I ended up watching Titanic, doing laundry and getting rid of my three-year undergraduate notes that has been gathering dust underneath my bed. To top it off, I watched the entire season 4 of HIMYM for the second time while eating dinner (yes, that’s a long dinner), and now I’m drinking a glass of Dom on the rock.

I really feel like I’ve done nothing today.

And it’s a disease.

Like, if I have some free time and I’m not doing anything useful with it, I feel like I’m wasting time. If I watch mindless TV shows and not doing anything else,  I feel guilty. I no longer know the meaning of sitting still and doing nothing for ten minutes because I feel that it’s such a sin.

It’s my one week of holiday and I am pressured to spend the days rightly. Only, I find myself doing the exact opposite – I woke up late, doing nothing important in particular, and I am nowhere nearer to finishing my assignment or studying for my tests.

I haven’t even finished reading The Giver (I started reading the book a week ago), and I haven’t even started reading The Rosie Effect (I bought the book last weekend).

I really, really need to finish this 2000-word essay. If not, I will feel miserable in doing everything else.

So tell me, do you have this compulsion too? Do you feel the need to tick the boxes of doing something useful everyday? Do you lie in bed, thinking that you have wasted a perfectly good day because you haven’t accomplished anything?

Come talk to me. I totally get you.

 

Photo by Arielle Nadel