sacrifices in relationship

It’s a well-known verse – to sacrifice. We all sacrifice our wants for something – for our loved ones, for our partner, for our family, or even our friends.

But perhaps the right word isn’t sacrifice.

Sometimes, when couples argue and become mean-spirited, they resort to the tactic of, “But I have sacrificed so much for you, why don’t you notice?” or some derivatives of that. We use this tactic, often, because we are frustrated. We have given it all, tried it all, done our all, and yet we don’t see the same effort reciprocated from the other end.

“Why must I be the one who walks three-quarter way to reach him, while he only walks a quarter?” we ask.

So we use the term. Sacrifice.

Sacrifice, in a sense, refers to something that we want and could have done but didn’t, instead we do something that you want. Like, sacrifice is my boyfriend walking me home to an hour and a half away from his place.

And some sacrifices are bigger than others.

Yet perhaps, sacrifice is not the right word.

By saying, “I’ve sacrificed this much for you,” we aim to shame those we love. We are telling our loved ones that you have not done enough, I have. It says there are things I’d rather do that make me happy rather than the ones I’ve done for you.

It speaks of doing things because. It shows that we do things because we are forced to. Because we don’t have another choice.

Yet the things you do for your loved ones, they are not sacrifices.

Yes, in essence they are, but you always do them out of love. You do the things for him, for her, and not for you.

Don’t keep score in a relationship. Don’t demand being even with your loved ones. Stop using this tactic in a fight.

Remember, just because your loved ones don’t love you the way you want them to, that doesn’t mean they haven’t loved you with all they have.

So choose to do it for him.

Say I choose to do it.

For you have chosen him.

“When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they’re crazy, because ‘sacrifice’ infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.”

Chris Rock


Photo by Mo Riza