live a life you're proud of

No one knows what they want to do when they are 22. Or at the very least, they know what they want to do, yet it may not be: a) realistic, b) visible, c) flexible, or d) set on stone.

If you ask me what I want to do in life, I will give you two kinds of answer. First is an abstract-ish reply, which is: to leave my mark in the world. Oh nevermind, cross that, it’s not realistic. It will be: being able to live well, marry the man of my dreams, send my kids to college, become financially stable, and achieve success in my own ways.

My second answer will be a more specific one: I want to write. Plain and simple, I just want to write. I want to publish books, I want to create stories. The problem with this answer is that writing may not put bacon on the table.

If only we all can just pursue our passion and forget about the money.

Anyways, lately I’ve been thinking more realistically and practically. I want to write, and yet I want to be independent. How is it that I am going to be able to do both? Should I immerse myself in a corporate setting and write on the side? Should I open a business?

This thinking is stemmed from the option to study Master’s. Like, my parents are dying for me to get a Master’s degree, and yet I’m still not sure if I’m worth the money. On the other hand, education is the best investment there is.

And yet when I see myself today, I feel like I’m still a mess. I’m not financially independent. I don’t know if whether I can become an adult who actually holds a stable job and gets good income. I have no idea how to open a business. And I don’t know what I should be doing.

Am I just stuck at one point? Am I not moving forward? Am I not doing anything?

By taking this sort-of gap year, am I wasting time?

Of course not, but am I actually able to fill my time with more important things? Perhaps the answer is yes, I’m not too sure.

I guess I need to remind myself every day that my path is not set on stone. Whatever I choose today may not be what I have to choose in ten years’ time. It’s just when the time comes, I hope I have the courage to make another choice.

If you’re feeling the same way, here’re the words that I hold dearly:

“I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”

Eric Roth


Photo by the apostrophe