first day at work

First day of work. First day of internship. First day of school.

I don’t know about you, but I loathe these firsts.

It’s like you don’t know what to expect, and you’re afraid that your skills will betray you. You’re afraid that people won’t accept you, that you just can’t fit in.

You’re confused on what to wear – casual, semi-casual, or formal? You are mindful of your every movement, afraid to give the wrong signal. You tend to choose the words to speak five times in your head before saying them out loud, afraid that they will be received as inappropriate. You put on a mask with fake smiles and fake eyes, trying your best to deliver the first impression right.

You try to prepare prior to the event as best as you can. But how can you prepare something that you don’t know what to expect?

And then you’re afraid of being over prepared, as if you are some stalkers who legalised every way.

You can’t sleep. You imagine your first day over and over again in your head, trying to put all the pieces of puzzle correctly.

Give me a lot of these firsts, and I think I can get a heart attack.