“We accept the love we think we deserve.”


I was watching the movie Perks of Being a Wallflower and this quote just stuck in my head ever since. I bet all who watch feel the same way.

We accept the love we think we deserve. If we are dating a loser, it’s because we think we deserve it. We might secretly think that we deserve better, but, isn’t it too selfish? Ain’t I thinking too highly of myself?

Often we say to our friends who are dating a douchebag, “You deserve more.” The guy doesn’t treat her well. He cheats, says he’s sorry, only to do it again. And yet our friend tries to reason, “He really regrets doing it.” But we know better, because he’s just not the right guy for our friend. Yet we can only stand on the sideline, watching our friend gets hurt, as she chooses the love she thinks she deserves.

Of course, even the best guy can make mistakes. Your partners will hurt you at some point in the relationship, but there are guys who deserve a second chance, and some who don’t.

And just a reminder, if you know that you’re dating a loser, leave him. You deserve better. Your self-worth does not lie in him.

Parents constantly want the best for their children. When it comes to their children’s partners, parents, of course, want their sons and daughters to have someone who is able to provide, preferably good-looking, well-educated, comes from a good family, and so on, so forth.

The logic behind is if there’s a guy who is the best at everything, why settle for good?

But then, I wonder, how good is good enough?

What if a nice guy likes you, and then you settle just because he’s good enough, leaving the possibility that there might be a better guy who can sweep you off your feet? Or what if you don’t settle for him, thinking that there will be a better one, only to find out that he’s the best partner you can ever have?

Then the next question, how high should you set your expectations in your partner? Is having a nice guy cut it? Or will you strive for the rich one? Or the good looking one? Or the loyal one? What are your must-have criteria in finding your soulmate?

And only to make things more complicated, when you have finally found the best, do you actually deserve him?

Some people want the best. And yet, they are far from worthy to get him. I have got a guy friend who wants a girl who doesn’t go clubbing, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, and is not a party girl. And yet he does all of those. Does he deserve a girl like that?

If I may say, probably not.

Let’s come back to thinking what you deserve. You deserve the best. But guess what? There will always be someone who is better than your best.

Someone whose grass is greener. Someone who looks like they have got everything. Someone who ticks all the points in your partner’s criteria list.

I guess, the key is to get your priorities sorted right, and if the most important ones are ticked, stop wanting for more. Stop thinking that there might be a better guy.

I agree that we shouldn’t settle for second best, but we need to settle for the right one. And to have the right partner, once you have chosen, you just need to stop asking the what if questions, and believe that he’s the right one.

‘Cause sometimes in life, we will never know who is the best. We just have to believe.

And remember, as long as you lead your lives the right way, you deserve someone who loves you, accepts you, understands you, and never ever leaves you.