Before you throw stones at me, please hear me out.
At one point in our lives we will always wonder about what our legacy will be. We will think of what worlds have we changed, or will we change, and about the impact we have given to others.
I came to this point too early in life.
I was 18 when I first figured out that every one of us wants to make a difference. A few will, in the end, make a big difference in the world. Most of us, including me, will find it suffice to change the world in a small scale. You know, change, they say, starts at home.
I never thought of joining a magazine voluntarily but I did. I spent two years of my undergrad writing for this nonprofit online news website for international students, and I never did regret my decision. It was, by far, me changing the world in a small scale, by sharing my stories to others.
It was something that counts. Something that I can see and feel the tangible impact. When friends start to message me on how my stories have blessed them, on strangers leaving comments, thanking me for writing that – I smile. I have changed the world in my own way. It is by no mean grandeur, but it is my way. I know it’s something I’m proud of myself.
If you know me in person, as most of you actually do, you know that I’m a spoiled little girl. I’m a selfish one, too. I don’t want to change the world in an inconvenient way, I just want to do what I know how to do.
I never did once consider myself a social person, and I still don’t. Big ideas on changing the world? Nah, I don’t have them. I believe in doing something in a small scale qualitatively to small group of people. That way I can see with my own eyes the impact of what I’m doing.
Yes, I’m a freak of knowing what I’m doing is actually translated into something that’s useful for others. That’s why I love blogging – because the so-called analytics does the hardwork for me.
I’m always conscious of what I’m learning and I’m conscious of what I’m doing. I hate inefficient work. I hate doing menial stuffs if it’s not going to work for anything in the end. I hate wasting my precious energy and effort over some meaningless projects that will not count much anyway.
In a sense, I’m your antagonist in every big dream you told me, because probably my advice will be to focus on the small qualitative details instead of the big quantity.
And that’s why I struggle to relate with unrealistic abstract visions on the faraway future.
You may call me a realist, or even an idealist. In a perfect world, we will all try to make a difference in the world, but it’s so cliched that everyone says it as a matter-of-lifestyle. And most often, cliches lost its meanings over time.
I don’t have faith in big-scale operation, because truth is, that’s where the biggest loopholes exist. In a world where people try to pursue targets, I pursue one of those conversations over tea, or perhaps coffee – them sharing their perspectives and me sharing mine. To somehow, during those moments, connect.
I can say to you matter-of-factly, that I’m not that kind of social person.
I used to be someone who wants to make a difference in the world. To leave footprints and legacy of my own.
Today, I just want to be someone whose words you’ll remember one day, for once upon a time I have stirred a tingling feeling inside you, in a way that you couldn’t possibly forget.