Dear Past

Dear Past,

I am sorry, but it’s not going to work, you and I.

You haunt me like my shadow. Even when I know that you do not exist, even when I know that you are just a figment of my imagination. You follow me wherever I go – to work, in my sleep, when I sit down and having coffee with my iPad.

It’s tiring.

Yes, we have wonderful memories together. I would never forget that. But we’ve also made the worst together – some mistakes that I really want to forget, and other wrongdoings that provoke a deep sense of regret. It’s not healthy, I know, but with you reminding me all the time of what I did, what can I possibly do?

I’m sorry, Past. You have been a faithful companion.

But I need to let you go.

I need to let you go, to hang up on your calls, to not reply your letters. I need to ignore your alarms and stop spending time with you. I can’t think of all those what could have beens and what ifs and what would we do if we had another chance.

Because I have another chance; you don’t.

You will always become something that I can’t change, something that I just need to accept.

It hurts, I know. But it’s for the best.

I have chosen the best time to call it off as well. Don’t you see? It’s one week to Christmas, and two weeks to New Year.

I will have to leave you. You will always be a part of me, but I’m sorry, you will no longer define me. You will continue on remembering – being nostalgic and all that, but I will keep on living and making new memories.

I accept you, past. I accept you. I accept you and I forgive you. But I need to move on.

Perhaps one day we’ll have a cup of coffee, and we can laugh at the memories together like old friends. But that trip down the memory lane will always come to an end, and after that cup’s finished, we need to part ways again. I hope you don’t mind. I know you want me to live my life as much as I do.

I know you’ll understand. It’s hard, but I can see a ghost of your smile beyond all those sadness. I know you have faith in me for choosing the right path.

Goodbye, Past. I’ve learned a lot from you, and will keep on doing so.




Photo by Deb Stgo